Stepping Into The Unknown With A Hopeful Heart

One more huff and puff until we reach the end of the year – but alas, I managed to scurry off back to writing to slip one blog post in for 2020.  Just when everyone’s getting started to accomplish his or her yearly goals, 2020 threw a curve ball in a form of a worldwide pandemic. Clearly this year isn’t anyone’s year and no one’s going to be sad when it’s over, but I still am grateful for a lot of things.

Just before Corona broke out globally and put the world in a standstill in March, we just came back from our family Arabian Gulf cruise. It had been a splendid time soaking up in the sun and being at sea again – just enjoying being pampered round-the-clock and also even having some time to ourselves when the little one’s asleep. We didn’t really plan any big trips as we were supposed to save it towards the end of the year when we would spend the holidays in the Philippines and stay for a while. This was just my husband’s wonderful present and as response to my constant vehement longing to escape the cold. I’d say we just got lucky!

We’ve taken a hard blow – I know a lot of people whose lives have turned 360 degrees when countries started imposing lockdowns, but apart from suddenly losing my freedom to travel wherever you want to see and be with your family, friends or for whatever reason without repercussions, social stigma, and setbacks, my day-to-day life didn’t really change much. I’m going six years working remotely and two years being a stay-at-home mom. I’ve been toughened up and prepared for this – I’ve been living this quarantine life for a while. However, out there, we are waging a war against a virus and no one knows when it will ever end, whether we’d win or lose.

Health-wise, it hasn’t been a great year for my family back in the Philippines. My constant worry has always been this: if something happens to any of them during this time, it might not be possible to fly back home in an instant no matter how necessary it is. And so, even if the decision to see my family ALONE this December without my husband and son for the first time was a tough call, I made it. Somehow the pain and sadness of being away from my own little family were encapsulated in a rush of relief and happiness I felt when I was wrapped in their embrace. Seeing them was so surreal as if being a dream. I honestly have never felt these polarizing emotions within me until then. Time and time again, I’ve always been truly grateful for the gift of life and people who make me feel alive.

At the end of every year, I usually ponder on what I have accomplished and through the passing time, I often feel like I have not done enough up to this point. Then I think about all the reasons why I had to put my career in the backburner, give all of my time, give up control, and let God take the wheel. My family is my biggest WHY for doing what I do, my number one priority and life’s essentials.

Although 2020 is really just a nightmare for many, for me, personally, I could think of far worse years I’ve lived through than this one. So I guess I can look back on those times now and say thank you for teaching me to hold on to what matters as my main drive to reach that light at the end of the tunnel.

Praying for a kinder year!